pre life crisis

this movie is all way too relevant right now

Still feeling pretty useless..
I've had to put up with trying to recover from one failure after another.

I'm on my way to recovery, I guess.

B u t t h i s i s t a k i n g l o n g e r t h a n e x p e c t e d

self-doubt and procrastination.

I've done everything a good girl was supposed to do: obeyed commands, followed the curfew, got good grades, made friends with fellow good girls, avoided relationships, attended mass, took my vitamins..

Where's my reward now?

*wala lang. feel ko lang mag-rant sa ngayon. unhealthy na ang may mabigat na feeling sa loob eh.. di muna ako kikilos hangga't wala pa akong final decision as to how I would like my life to be. will probably remove this post once I get my act together.*

it's game time

oh wow sunod-sunod na nakaka-low self-esteem events ang nangyari saken.

take note.. first 2 months of 2011 pa lang yan ha.

nawawalan na nga ako ng drive mabuhay eh..

pero di ako suicidal ha.

and I REJECT YOUR PITY.

ito lang siguro ang brutal na paraan ng cosmos sa pa-"guide" saken sa
tunay ko na destiny.


sa ngayon, aayusin ko muna buhay ko.
mag-eexercise sa umaga at iinom ng tubig.
matutulog nang sapat at kakain ng gulay.
eebak araw-araw at once a month na lang
magpapaka-wasted.

sa ngayon, yan lang mga bagay-bagay na may control pa ako eh.
ang cosmos na ang bahala sa iba.

pag-ibig

Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong

Come down
And waste away with me
Down with me

If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

oh man.

been feeling pretty paranoid lately..

wala kasi akong ibang ginagawa sa bahay kaya marami tuloy akong iniisip.

maging busy na sana ako uli uie...


geez!

wasteddd

sarap ng feeling na ma-lasing na may umaakay sayo..

hahahaha..

tamang-tama lang naman pagka-tipsy kom yung stage of drunkenness na ma-chika ka pero hindi violent..

awesomeness..

yeh.

what a crazy random happenstance!

so.. di ako nakapasa sa davao doc..

meh.

so.. nakapasa ako sa sutherland..

yeh.

time to make some money, y'all!

my day, in excruciating detail

ok.. decided to revive my log so here i go reviving it..
di naman ako yung tipo ng tao na poetic..
di rin ako yung tipo ng tao na maraming reklamo sa buhay..
pero ako yung tipo ng tao na maraming excess mind energy na walang maisipang pagbuhusan nito..
methinks this is the reason behind my creating blogposts..

kanya-kanyang trip lang yan, mga tsong..

actually, i have a regularly updated blog on tumblr, pero para yun sa mga nakikita ko sa net na masarap i-display..

etong blogspot ko, para sa mga nakikita ko sa life na masarap i-kwento.. personal rant page ko rin to.. haha



my day in excruciating detail:
woke up at aroung 9am but it was still dark and cold and comfy so i decided to stay in bed..
stared and philosophized in bed until 11am..
nag-"good morning" lang ako sandali kay crooks at kinwento ko rin yung awesome dream ko tapos bumangon na ako..

i think mga 11:30 am na yun.. haha

drank choco milk and heated up the last two pizza slices left over from the new year celebration..

received an sms from davao doc that my grades were missing so i panicked and jumped in the showers at dumiretso sakay ng taxi papuntang davao doc para hanapin kung nasan na ang grades ko..

turns out my grades were there all along, mali lang ang date na nasulat kaya nalito sila.. whew.. false alarm.
sumakay ng jeep pauwi..

tulala mode lang ako dun sa kasabay ko sa jeep na may girl-stache..

pag-uwi ko, pinakain ko si jarjarbinks.. tapos net..

at ngayon, gutom na ako.. ano kaya lunch? (thinking)

resolutions (hope this works)

1. resolved, that ira shall drink at least 5 glasses of water a day
2. resolved, that ira shall fix her posture
3. resolved, that ira saves at least 20 pesos per week
4. resolved, that ira is asleep before 2am
5. resolved, that ira will no longer ride the wrong jeepney
6. resolved, that ira will print those enzoDgrup shirts
7. resolved, that ira reads (and finishes) 1 book a month
8. resolved, that ira will drink coke only when offered.
9. resolved, that ira fixes her things every 2 weeks.
10. resolved, that ira gets a job.
    

1st post of 2011

just thought i should post something to start something..

this is going to be a totally awesome year.

i feel.

so erm.. i'll be having my job interview this Wednesday and surprisingly, di ako kinakabahan..

hmm..






oh wow.. ano kaya mangyayari this year no?

sa 2010 kasi andameng nangyari saken na totally unexpected happenings... ano na naman kaya ngayon?

lest i forget the awesomeness that is 2010

woah december na at malapit na uli birthday ko.. ano nga ba ang napala ko?

pag tinitingnan ko buhay ko in terms of mga bagay na pinag-gagagawa ko buong araw,

mukhang walang kwenta.. tv-kain-jebs-net.. etchetera..

pero when you take a step backward at tiningnan mo lahat ng nangyari saken this year..

oh wow..

napaka-YEAH!

1. did some volunteer peace-building work for the Mindanao Peacebuilding Institute

*sino bang kilala mong peace-builder ha? ha?!! oh diba awesome?!!!

2. after years of single-ness... i am now a doubleness..

*akalain mo? ako?!! si ira??? magkaka-boypren ng kasing awesome ni pol?? oh wow!! akalain mo..

3. tapos na ako sa aking IV therapy training at life support thingy oh yeh

*i can insert an intravenous lines and check out veins and save choking drowning people and stuff.. how cool is that?!!! yeh!

4. i taught anatomy and physiology to a bunch of tribes people and served as a translator.

*ilang tao ba ang kilala nyo na translator slash anatomy teacher sa mga old people na 21 yrs. old lang ha? ha?

5. became an assistant to forensic anthropologists for a week in South Cotabato.

*i helped put together human skeletons!! what's up with that?!! oh diba oh diba ibang klase?!!!

kaya pa...

semi-surviving in the ward with the little experience i possess..

ang hirap magkunwari na as if alam ko ang ginagawa ko..

dapat magmukha na akong legit.

medyo kulang pa kasi sa confidence..

tsaka umandar na naman ang misconception ng common tao na "goody-goody" masyado ako..

ang tahimik ko kasi..

eh minsan naman talaga kung wala akong masabi, shempre di talaga ako magsasalita!

feel ko tulay napaka-boring ko na na tao..

kahit alam kong hindi naman..

gotta get over these self-esteem issues.

hmm.. thinking.

so nagsimula na nga pala ang training ko sa hospital..

nurse na daw ako kunwari..

hmm..

registered professional na ako at lahat-lahat pero hanggang ngayon di ko pa rin talaga feel.

ano ba yan..

sinabi ko sa sarili ko dati, susundin ko lang gusto nila mama na maka-graduate ako college pagkatapos libre na akong mamili ano gusto ko gawin sa buhay ko..

nakalimutan kong may board exam pa nga pala.. so sinabi ko sa sarili ko ipapasa ko muna board exams at pagkatapos libre na akong gawin kahit ano sa buhay ko..

tapos biglang..

hmm..

sayang rin kasi tong opportunity sa sosyal na hospital..

hmm..

kaso nakaka-walang gana eh.. napaka-baba tingin ko sa sarili ko sa ward kasi wala akong alam.

what now?

oh god.

feeling mighty pissed

22 years old na ako.

wala pa ngang trabaho pero come on, pwede konting respeto?

demmit. pwedeng bigyan nyoko ng konting freedom?

ano yan ha? ilang taon rin akong naging masunuring bata. hanggang ngayon masunurin pa rin kahit di na bata. demmit.

san ka nakarinig ng 22-year old na may curfew? ha?! ha?!

bat ba hanggang ngayon kelangan ko pa ring ipaliwanag kung san ako galing at ano pinaggagagawa ko?

di naman ako tulad ng ibang anak dyan na bigla lang nawawala for days on end at walang modo at walang respeto at di sumusunod at moocher..

tapos sasabihin mo na irresponsible ako?

tapos sasabihin mo na idiot ako?

tapos sasabihin mo na insignificant ako?

tapos sasabihin mo na childish ako?

hinahayaan kitang tratuhin ako ng ganyan kasi nakaka-net ako.

at shempre, may respeto ako sa mga taong mas matalino sa akin.

ok. di ako yung tipo ng tao na ranter..

pero medyo sobra na yata.

mag-iipon na talaga ako para maka-alis dito.

and i may never return.

ika nga ni jesuschristsuperstar: "think while you still have me, move while you still see me.. you'll be lost and you'll be sorry when i'm goooooone!!!"

para lang may post for 2010

erm... this was taken during

the plurk meet-up.. (february, i think)

yep..

ultra nice.

check out the guy in yellow sitting across the bespectacled girl in grey.

this picture was taken 4 months(?) after that plurk meet-up..

wala lang.. :D

Nagpapasalamat ako.. hehe.. ^_^

ang lungkot lungkot ko last week, grabe...

pero buti na lang talaga nandyan mga kaibigan ko..

meron akong karamay..hehe.. salamat! salamat!!

Last week, nung nasa height na ako ng depression, nag-karaoke kami..

dahil dun, medyo gumaan pakiramdam ko..

special thanks!

angie-salamat sa movie discussions at book reviews!

elreen-forever friends na talaga tayo as in grabeng grabe na to!

ethyl-sa chika chika all the way forever and a day!

raime-sa corny jokes galore at kwentuhan natin sa upuan!

maya-i rely on you a lot lumalakas ako pag nandyan ka!

marian-dahil napakacheerful mo at nandyan ka forever!

kevin-dahil di ka pumapatol sa kung anu-anong shit idol!

david-salamat sa jpop at happy shiny stuff at sadyang napakabait mo!

dominic-dyan ka lang ha, wag ka aalis! as in wag! as in! as in! internet cafe natin ha?

mario-dyan ka lang rin ha, wag ka aalis! as in wag! as in! as in! internet cafe natin ha?

kuya dio-kahit gano pa kalayo ang manila, you are always with me! friends forever!

"I'll get by with a little help from my friends.. I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.."

:)

With a Little Help From My Friends-The Beatles

What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away?(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day?(Are you sad because you're on your own?)

No I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends

(Do you need anybody?)I need somebody to love
(Could it be anybody?)I want somebody to love

(Would you believe in a love at first sight?)Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time
(What do you see when you turn out the light?)I can't tell you, but I know it's mine

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Oh I'm going to try with a little help from my friends

(Do you need anybody?)I just need somebody to love
(Could it be anybody?)I want somebody to love

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends
Oh I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends

With a little help from my friends

While My Guitar Gently Weeps-The Beatles, White Album

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it need sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know why nobody told you how to unfold you love
I don't know how someone controlled you they bought and sold you

I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know how you were diverted you were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted no one alerted you

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at you all
Still my guitar gently weeps

*nalulungkot lang ako kasi di na ako nakakapag-gitara, and i think my guitar is INDEED gently weeping because of that sad, sad, fact. T___T

okey..buang na ako

ok. i don't feel like sleeping just yet.

i miss the glory days of blogging. i'd rave about some stupid thing and my online buddies would react, then i'd comment on their blogs..then we'd comment back..et cetera et cetera..

i think facebook ruined that.
bloghopping used to be such fun, now all i get are worthless pages with uninteresting stuff/ads..

teka.. ba't english to?!!!

hooh.

eh kasi naman kasi, english ang pinapakinggan ko.. the beatles, baby!!

hmp..ano banamantong nangyayari sa bahay namin ngayon, halos lahat sila nag-aaway..
ako naiipit..

ako yung ambassador of peace..
pucha..

anobah......

weh.

i almost had a panic attack just a few seconds ago.
been feeling pretty paranoid lately with all this crap about exhibit forms and the board exams and stuff..

all this fuss about these PRC requirements is so messed up.
heck, i shouldn't even be worrying this much!it's the pressure!
it's ganging up on me.. geez.

can't help but constantly obssess about all the stuff i have to do.. demmit.

it's a good thing my friends are still with me, ready to listen to my ramblings, et cetera..
but the fact that some of them are way too many steps ahead of me in our requirements makes mefeel all queasy and panicky inside.


need to find something else to obssess about.. soon!

eh kasi nga eh.

You Don't know Me- Ben Folds and Regina Spektor

I wanna ask you -

Do you ever sit and wonder,

It's so strange

That we could be together for

So long, and never know, never care

What goes on in the other one's head?

Things I've felt but I've never said

You said things that I never said

So I'll say something that I should have said long ago:

(You don't know me) You don't know me at all

(You don't know me) You don't know me at all (at all)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin

Or a cardboard stand-up and paint me (paint me)

Any face that you wanted me

To be seen.

We're Damned by the existential moment where

We saw the couple in the coma and

It was we were the cliché,

But we carried on anyway.

So, sure, I could just close my eyes.

Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,

But can you go back once you know

(You don't know me) You don't know me at all

(You don't know me) You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me) You don't know me at all

(You don't know me) You don't know me

If I'm the person that you think I am (Ah ah ahh)

Clueless chump you seem to think I am (Ah ah ahhh)

So easily led astray, An errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash, then

Why the f**k would you want me back?!

Maybe it's because

(You don't know me at all) Ahhh ah Ahhh ah

(You don't know me, you don't know me.) Ahhh ah Ahhh ah

So, what I'm trying to say is What (What?)

I'm trying to tell you It's not gonna come out like

I wanna say it cause I know you'll only change it. (Say it.)

(You don't know me) You don't know me at all

(You don't know me) You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me) You don't know me at all (You don't know me)

You don't know me at all (at all) What?